Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
