Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
