I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
