i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
