NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
