Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
