You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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