I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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