Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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