Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
