So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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