You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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