The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
