I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
