Umm I'm too high to move.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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