I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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