She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
