I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
