you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
