2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You don't make any sense
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