Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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