hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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