It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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