The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
