the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
