Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
