i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
