You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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