she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
