So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
