You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
