Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
