Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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