were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
