I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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