Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
