Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
