I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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