Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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