Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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