A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
