What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
