He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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