It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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