the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he puts the penis in happiness.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
