My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
