This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
