ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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