Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
