I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I didn't notice because vodka
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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